State of the union

Didn't watch it, probably won't be able to stomach the transcripts. I think we have a pretty good idea of what condition our ship of state is in, and the last thing we need is another misdiagnosis from the captain's wonky wheelhouse. However, for those more masochistic than I, an excellent option might be this transcript run through a pirate translator, provided by the matchless Tom Tomorrow.

Th' same be true o' Iran, a nation now held hostage by a wee clerical elite that be isolatin' an' repressin' its swabbies.

Priceless...

Update: amazingly, it looks like the press is starting to fact-check the pablum, rather than just passing it on with a starry-eyed expression. Be still, my beating heart!

Update 2: BagNews runs through the visual highlights. Lots of good analysis and out-takes there, as ever.

Update 3: and, of course, the Onion wins the game, with headline story "President creates cabinet-level position to coordinate scandals" . . .